Be Still I'm Right Here Shut Up and Kiss Me
by Momosportif
Summary: KisaIta, KakuHida, and SasoDei drabblefluff! Originally a oneshot but now a drabble collection due to someone's inspirational request. Switches POV so watch out. Characters are Kishimoto's. Read, enjoy, and review if so inclined! Smile
1. Be Still

"Itachi!"

"Shh. Don't sit up: you'll trigger the trap. Lay down." His confused partner obediently attempted to recline but stopped immediately with a grunt of pain, perched on his elbows, grimacing. He began to ease himself down but Itachi spared him the trouble by shoving the swordsman back into his lap. Kisame couldn't prevent a yelp as every muscle protested this rough treatment.

"That's better. Now be still." Kisame didn't have the energy to argue.

"Partner… what happened?" Kisame looked up at the famous eyes as Itachi gave an exasperated sigh.

"I said be still!" There was something amusingly maternal about Itachi's flustered features, but he couldn't laugh for fear of digging himself into even deeper trouble. A pain shot through his chest as he tensed his muscles to avoid laughing and grunted again instead. Itachi's legs tensed beneath his head momentarily. "You took quite a fall, Kisame… san."

"Eh?"

"Something in your arm is broken for sure and maybe a rib…"

"That makes sense," Kisame grimaced as he gingerly fingered his bloody chest. Itachi removed the blue hand and firmly held it to prevent further prodding. Kisame glimpsed slim threads tied securely to his partner's other wrist. He cast his partner a questioning look. The Uchiha wiggled his fingers, a smile twitching at his lips.

"One tug of this wrist and I'll blow up the forest." Kisame followed the threads' path: they twisted and twined in the branches surrounding the two Akatsuki members, explosive tags dangling from them like leaves on fall trees.

"But Itachi!" black lined eyes widened in shock. "How are we going to get out of here! We need to leave soon!"

"And there, my dear Kisame, you are gravely mistaken. We are not ready to leave until I say so. And I'll say so when I think you are ready."

"Itachi!"

"Be still!"

* * *

He blinked once. Twice. Several times. His waving vision stilled to focus on the characteristically melancholic slump of an all too familiar back. He coughed and tasted blood. He swallowed, making a face. A sigh. Sickeningly familiar.

"Don't bother sitting up. You'll reopen the wound." Kakuzu glared down at his shoulder where a crimson gash added yet another stitch across his marred skin.

"It won't reopen if it was sewn up properly," he grunted. Hidan turned, eyes narrowing venomously.

"You would have bled to death if I hadn't sewn it up at all." He turned away again. Another sigh. "I tried my best." Kakuzu's glare deepened at the tiny symbols surrounding them in the dirt.

"What, did I die and go to hell?" This earned him Hidan's full attention.

"Dead? No, I'm no that lucky." He gave his partner a withering look, which had no effect. Silence ensued.

"Did you get the bounty?"

"Like hell! How could I with you bleeding all over the damn place?"

"Hidan!" he strove to sit and put his hands around his partner's skinny neck. "How could you?!! We have to prioritize!" Hidan planted a foot in Kakuzu's chest and forced his irate and flailing partner down. Sigh.

"I did, you bastard! Now shut up and for Jashin's sake be still!"

* * *

"Where the hell am I!?!"

"Danna! Don't squirm like that, you'll fall off, yeah!"

"Untie me right now!" Deidara chose to ignore this command in order to steer the bird. "I SAID UNTIE ME RIGHT NOW OR-"

"I heard you!" Deidara tsked. "I'll untie you when I'm finished saving your sorry-" the wind rushed away the next few words as they swerved around a rock spire "-if that's okay with you, Sasori-danna. And you might want to hang on: we're going to land."

"What? What does that-" The bird soared straight up and then dived, coasting at the last minute to land smoothly on a plateau. Deidara jumped off and began to untangle the hastily made knots constraining the slightly green-faced puppet master.

"You cannot look me in the eye and say that was necessary." Deidara just smiled as his partner slid off the bird into waiting arms. Wood clattered to the ground. "Deidara! What happened to my arms!" Puzzled, the blond leaned to pick up Sasori's appendages.

"Oops… Guess he did get you…"

"Explain!"

"Well you got knocked out and there were reinforcements so I was getting ready to retreat and that swordsman took a last lunge at you… I thought he missed… un…" Sasori sat promptly.

"Fix me. Now."

"But I-"

"There's a tool kit in my left pouch. I'll tell you what to do. Start with the right arm so I can do my left." Deidara winced as he procured the pouch. "I'll do what I can, but no promises, yeah!"

"Careful!" Sasori fell over, dodging the screwdriver that Deidara had swung too close to his face for comfort.

"Okay, okay! I'll do my best but it won't work if you're squirming like that, Danna! Just be still, yeah!"


	2. I'm Right Here

"Mmm."

"Itachi?"

"Mmm!"

"Little one?" Kisame stopped trying to lie his partner down. Itachi was clinging to his sleeve, distraught countenance hidden in the swordsman's robes. Itachi moved his head from side to side slightly, nuzzling into his partner's sturdy chest. A flush worked its way across Kisame's cheeks. He shook his head as if to clear it. Focus. Focus was key. Key to awakening his unconscious partner and breaking his fever. Kisame attempted to force his small burden to recline again but with little success. Itachi tucked his legs beneath him and wiggled. Kisame groaned. As if Itachi wasn't distracting enough when he was actually cognizant of his surroundings and actions. There was only one way Kisame could see to solve his dilemma. He hoisted Samehada off his back and laid it aside, ripping a loose end of wrapping off on one of the sharp scales and then soaking it in the lake he'd created. What better protection than an instant island to guard against the many who would love to get close to Itachi in his Sharingan com with a kunai in both hands and three friends for back-up? Kisame pried Itachi, who frowned in displeasure, away from him enough to mop his burning forehead. Then he gently lay down, holding Itachi loosely in his arms while continuing to bathe the pale face in cool water. Silence. Then a stir.

"Mmm…" The eyes fluttered open. "Kisame?" A sharky grin.

"I'm right here."

* * *

"Where the – am I?" Silence. "Hello? Are you – dead, bastard?" Kakuzu ignored his foul-mouthed partner. He was very good at it.

"It appears there was a cave in."

"'It appears there was a cave in', well, duh, Kuzu! Any – person could see that! Where's my – body?!"

"I thought I specifically told you _not_ to call me that…"

"Like it – matters now!" Kakuzu was glad, for the one and only time in his very long life, that Hidan could never shut up. He began carefully removing rocks in the direction of his partner's irritated voice. "I'm going to have to spend – eternity, headless in a – cave with your starved to death corpse rotting away into your bastard skeleton and probably go crazy while my – body – lies two – feet away from me and all because some stupid – bounty you couldn't let go of, you – bastard! – lot of good it's going to do us now, I'm sure your bastard skeleton's going to be so – thrilled that it's in my body's – pocket, two – feet away but completely useless, and-"

"So you _did_ get the bounty! I _am_ thrilled, Hidan!" Kakuzu continued to methodically remove the barrier between he and his incapacitated partner as he smiled to himself. Ticking off Hidan when he got ticked of an d frantic like this was so very easy...and amusing. Just a few more…

"Uh, hello, did you get hit on the head with a – rock? The bounty doesn't – matter! It's just –, Jashin damned, good for nothing –, –, -"

"Hidan!"

"What!?!" He lifted his partner's head and carried it over to his flailing body.

"Shut the hell up already."

"What the –! Where the hell are you?!!" Kakuzu turned Hidan's head and lifted it so they were eye to eye.

"I'm right here."

* * *

He blinked once. Twice. He took his bearings: above him a wooden surface became clear in his blurry vision, to his sides the same, and, if he was not mistaken, what he was laying on was, also, wood. Familiar wood. Deidara sat up, wincing as fogginess flooded his brain and he felt several sharp pains in joints clearly not in prime condition. He hit his head on the ceiling.

"Dammit!"

"Oh, you're awake!" Pouting, Deidara gingerily touched his forehead. It was sure to bruise.

"Is that you, Danna?"

"Well, who do you think it is, Dei?"

"Where the heck am I, yeah?" Silence. He heard a tap and a few squeaks. "_Danna_… I said,-"

"Well don't you know, Dei?" Deidara gazed around again, head throbbing even more, but it had nothing to do with the bruise. By his feet were two holes, he observed, and the area narrowed by his head. It was like a little wooden cave, just big enough for a person to-

"DANNA! Danna, get me out of this puppet right _now_!" Injuries forgotten, the irate sculptor began to pound the sides of his wooden prison.

"Dei!" Sasori tsked, smiling slightly despite himself. "Deidara, use your head for once, lay down, and stop panicking. I had to get you away safely somehow…" his voice lowered in reprimand, "And if you _ever_ pull an idiotic stunt like that again-"

"It was necessary! If I hadn't jumped off the bird I would have crashed and died!"

"And if I hadn't caught you, you would have broken every bone in your body and…" Sasori's eyebrows furrowed for a moment. He swallowed and said in a much softer voice, "Just take it easy, Dei. I'll get you out soon enough." Incohesive muttering ensued ending in,

"and he calls this art, yeah!" and then in an obviously sugar coated and purposefully pity-evoking tone, "But I'm _lonely_, Danna!" Again a smile found it's way onto Sasori's lips. He really needed to stop. He'd been smiling too much recently for an "emotionless" puppet. Deidara looked up as the puppet's many-hinged mouth opened and a small well-loved and well-feared hand reached in. Deidara gently brushed his fingers against his partner's.

"I'm right here, Dei."


	3. Shut Up

"Mmph."

"Hmp." Kisame grunted as he sat hard and was then tied securely to a post. A knot of worry was slowly growing in volume in his chest; worry, not for himself, but for his partner. Itachi could be quite frail looking when he wanted to be and even though they had spent hours rehearsing and preparing for this scenario after their narrow escapes on the last two missions, Kisame couldn't fight away this uncharacteristic apprehension.

"Ha." The pirate spat. "Let's see you wiggle out of this one! The Lord of the Mist has been looking for you, Hoshigaki. Uchiha." He turned to go but (with obvious deliberation and unnecessary drama) turned back around to lay Samehada just out of reach of Kisame and Itachi's outstretched legs. "Knew I was forgettin' something!" Kisame looked longingly at the sword and then glared at the man's retreating back. His barking laugh echoed in the brig. No emotion was readable on Itachi's face, which was hidden behind a cloth tied firmly over his eyes in addition to a gag. Unfortunately this particular group of Kiri seadogs seemed to be wise to the dangerous and often fatal nature of Uchiha eyes. Kisame slid his tongue across his own gag. It was bland, slightly salty, but negotiable. This was one of his specialties. He bit down, rows of teeth instantly beginning to shred the muslin.

"Ptt!" He spat the remaining cloth bits out. "Tachi? Can you hear me?" The Uchiha nodded serenely, above making a grunt of assent. "What's the plan?" Itachi tapped a foot, inches away from Samehada. Then he slid his legs to their full extent. Kisame grinned despite the grim situation. Itachi must have kept his legs bent just enough the whole time, knowing their captor would pull such a melodramatic stunt. He really was a genius. "Can you kick it with your left foot, yeah, like that, now with your right and it should-got it." Samehada grated across the floor and into Kisame's waiting right hand behind the post. He coaxed the sword back far enough to uncover a scale and slit his bindings. "Hang on, Itachi…" Kisame lumbered over to his partner and began to negotiate the knots constraining the slender hands. In moments, Itachi was free and rubbing his wrists where the rope had cut in. "What now, Itachi?" The smaller man bent his head, bangs obscuring the infamous red eyes. For a moment, Kisame thought his partner had found some flaw in his actions during the last five minutes, or maybe the last month, or maybe he'd discovered a completely _new_ flaw of his in general, which was something like a hobby for Itachi. But when Itachi raised his head a slight smile was twitching at his lips.

"All I know is that _I_ most certainly am not going to any Lord of the Mist," he looked up, countenance glowing with the bloodlust Kisame found so very alluring, "Are you?" Kisame beamed. For once, they were going to do a battle _his_ way. Samehada reduced the locked door to splinters. The guard turned, gaping, lips moving in soundless shock as the wood rained down on him.

"B-but-! You-! How-!" Itachi brought a hand in a wide arc, slapping the man across the face as Kisame lifted Samehada and their captor's knees gave.

"Oh,_ shut_ up."

* * *

"Kakuzu." 

"Hidan."

"Tell me again: how did we get into this situation?" Kakuzu sighed.

"Look, making me repeat this isn't going to-"

"No, no! I want to hear you say it. Why are we here?"

"Because I wanted to collect a bounty on the way to our mission."

"Right, and what did I say about that idea?"

"You said, 'That's the worst------- idea you've had all day, bastard'."

"Yes, I do believe I did. Word for word. Well done, Kuzu!"

"But I insisted,"

"Oh, yes,"

"And there were more people in the tent than I expected,"

"Really? I didn't notice!"

"And that's why we're here."

"I'd be applauding if I could put my hands together, trust me, now can you tell me this: Is _any_ ------- bounty worth being tied to me, upside down, in a ------- forest, awaiting a terrible, gruesome death, or lack thereof, via getting mangled by -------, rabid beasts?"

"No."

"That's what I thought! Just curious, you know. Wow!" They rotated slowly at their position four feet above the ground. "I just learned more about you in two minutes than over the entirety of our partnership! Congratulations, Kuzu! We're making great strides in our relationship!"

"Indeed, now let me ask you a question: why did you find it necessary to waste all that time with sarcasm when we could have been planning our escape?"

"Because I wanted to savor my "last moments", shall we call them. Annoying you is my favorite hobby."

"I see. So how do you plan to get out?"

"Good point: maybe I can wiggle out!" Hidan thrashed wildly, surprising a yell out of his partner.

"YOU IDIOT!"

"Well ----! _That_ didn't work! Why don't _you_ try something, Ilovebountiesmorethanmy-------partner-san?" Kakuzu grunted. "What was that, Kuzu?" Hidan's answer was a rustle of robes as his partner plopped to earth. "WHAT THE ----"

"I entwined a thread from my arm into the ropes holding _me_ and manipulated it to untie the knots." He dusted his hands off. "And I'll get you down-"

"Well I should ------- hope so!"

"_After_ I go back for the bounty." Hidan's jaw dropped and his features arranged themselves into his most preppy expression.

"_Shut_. _Up_."

* * *

"Hey, Dei," Sasori looked down and caught a glimpse of his disgruntled partner before the closing door cast them into darkness. 

"Mm! That's no way to treat a lady, yeah!" There was the boing of a released jutsu as Deidara ended his transformation of a civilian woman he'd been using as a disguise. Sasori recognized the familiar sound of Deidara blowing at his bangs. "At least they don't know who we are, yeah."

"They will before long."

"Aw, Danna, cheer up! Don't be so melancholic!" Sasori heard Deidara trying to sit up. "We'll get out of this! We always do, yeah. Oof!" Sasori couldn't help but snort at the sounds of Deidara's futile attempts to upright himself.

"Okay, Dei. What's your plan then?"

"Ow." A pause. "That really hurt, yeah…Say what now?"

"Plan, Dei."

"Oh right!" Another pause. "That's your job, Danna." He could almost feel the blonde's maniacal, teasing smile. He kicked. "----! What was that for!"

"Crawl over here and untie me." Scuffling. "Hurry, Dei!" A thump. Rolling.

"Ack!"

"Dei!"

"Heh! That was kind of fun!"

"Dei…"

"Okay, here goes…"

"So?"

"Dammit…There's something metal keeping the ends together, mm."

"Shit…"

"Hold on…" Sasori waited. Something crawled up his arm and a shiver traveled up his spine to his neck to his scalp. His hair stood on end.

"Dei! No-" A thump. Rolling.

BAM!

"DEIDARA, YOU FU-"

"Shush, Danna!"

"-ING IDIOT!"

"Oh come on! It didn't hurt that much! Quick, get up and help me!" The door opened and a Grass shinobi looked in cautiously. When he saw Sasori untied (and smoldering slightly) in the middle of the room he rushed forward only to fall smack down. Deidara pulled his foot back from out of under the shinobi and struggled to his feet. He turned to Sasori and his single eye widened.

"What is it, Deidara!?"

"Un-"

"Dei!" Sasori's voice rose an octave.

"Danna, you're on fire!!!" Deidara threw himself at his partner, both falling to the ground. "Roll, Danna!" Sasori obliged and, after tumultuous confusion, he stopped, limbs entangled with Deidara's as well the rope that had slipped off Deidara's thin frame in the choas. They stared at each other as thundering footsteps joined the sound of their pounding hearts. They cursed in unison, untangling themselves and jumping to their feet. Sasori smirked as he attached chakra strings to the unconscious man blocking the door.

"You know…that rolling business _was_ kind of fun, Dei." It was the blonde's turn to snort.

"Pff. Shut up, yeah."

* * *

Author's note: Hello all my loyal, lovely friends! This is the second to last chapter just to warn you! Thanks so much for making it this far with me! It was a ball! And special thanks to Elermald Elf-Slytherin707 for the idea of continuing on! And as a bonus if anyone can guess the title of the last chapter I'll do a commission for you or read something of yours or anything you want really! I just wanted to make things more exciting! Ten thousand thank yous! Smile!- Momosportif  



	4. Kiss Me

"Split up" Itachi had said. Kisame groaned again. "Split up": what a _bad_ idea. Now he was torn between hurrying up and reaching the shore and going back _right_ now to find and retrieve his partner. Spray spritzed his thoughtful face as he surfed Samehada towards the coast, which became more defined as he neared it. The coast void of his missing companion. In a moment of indecision, he turned. But Samehada did not follow. Kisame's recovery from falling was remarkable for a person his size, although he was fairly certain his partner, had he been there, would have found plenty to criticize. Kisame's brows furrowed, contemplating the sword's actions. His chest tightened as he recalled how his partner mocked him for believing in his sword so strongly, as though it was an actual person. But Itachi wasn't here right now. Kisame bent low as they caught a wave that would carry them to shore. At the last possible moment he stepped hard on the handle, sending the sword flying, and jumped. Samehada spun high into the air before coming plummeting down. Kisame snatched it from the air and slid it into the strap across his back. He scanned the ocean for any sign of his partner, pacing. _Itachi! Where are you?_ As if in answer to his troubled thoughts, he heard the distinctive boing of a transformation and spun to see where the enemy was. As he turned the weight on his back changed, became lighter, and a pair of arms tightened around his neck. Choking, he fell backwards and lay stunned for a moment, fingering the hands that had loosened their grip.

"Kisame…"

"I-Itachi? Is that you?"

"You're crushing me." Definitely Itachi. He rolled off.

"ITACHI!" Without thinking, he leaned forward and enfolded his petite partner in his strong arms, resting his face in the soaking, sleek, black hair. Itachi blinked, heart stopping, and throat clogged, cutting off his next statement. Then Kisame realized what he was doing and how he was probably going to be killed for doing it and released him. They blinked at each other.

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Kisame almost passed out from shock as Itachi abruptly burst into laughter, shoulders shaking uncontrollably.

"I-Itachi!" The Uchiha leaned forward, gasping for breath and holding his sides. He looked at Kisame and then fell back into the water lapping at their knees, laughing twice as hard. Kisame had absolutely no idea what to do. He had hardly ever seen his partner crack a smile and for him to laugh, even snicker, was completely unheard of. "Ah…" All he could do was sit in surreal stillness and let the sweet, rich sound of the laughter hit him over and over again like the waves battering his legs. Itachi finally sat up, wiping away a tear,

"Your-your face!"

"Me?"

"Oh!" He let his head fall back, taking in long, deep breaths. "That was…oh..." He shook his head, grinning.

"I-Itachi? Are you okay?"

"Of course. I told you to come straight to the shore, that I'd be okay, and not to go back or worry."

"Ohh…" Itachi glared, feigning anger.

"Clearly you forgot."

"So…if you were Samehada…then…" Kisame's eyes widened in realization. He grabbed Itachi's slim shoulders, shaking him. "ITACHI!!! WHERE'S SAMEHADA??!! WHERE IS MY SWORD?!!" Itachi tsked and batted the blue hands from his shoulders.

"Calm down, Kiki, it's right here." He slid a kunai from a pouch and in a puff of smoke it became Kisame's precious weapon. When the smoke cleared Kisame was staring blankly at his partner. "What?"

"What did you call me?"

"Kiki? Oh," Itachi looked down. _Is he blushing?_ "Sorry, that kind of slipped, I-"

"No, um…I like-well, I mean, that's okay."

"Why did you worry? I said I'd be fine."

"Well-! Well, that's just something you always say Itachi-san."

"What did you call me?"

"Itachi-san." Itachi's delicate brows rose.

"I see…"

"I-! Don't…don't be offended, Itachi-kun…"

"Kun?" Kisame flushed and he looked away too.

"Well what do you want me to call you?"

"You don't have to call me anything." He looked away, surveying the sea, robes clinging to his sopping body, turned neck pulsing slightly, chest…

"Itachi." The smaller man blinked in shock as he found himself pushed to the ground, nose to nose with his partner, looking into questioning and uncertain black-lined eyes.

"Ki-Kisame!"

"Itachi, I…Agh." He looked aside, self-loathing evident in his small, yellow eyes. "What am I doing? I'm eleven years older than you." It was Kisame's turn to blink as Itachi took hold of his collar and yanked him back down.

"Then act like it." He said fiercely.

"Itachi…you're only eighteen, I can't-"

"That's right: I'm only eighteen and I have no idea what I'm doing so you're going to have to show me how."

"But-!" Itachi rolled his eyes and pulled his partner even closer.

"Just _kiss_ me, Kiki!"

* * *

Kakuzu panted, throwing himself behind a table. It wasn't that he couldn't handle these Cloud-nin, he definitely _could_, it was just that, for the moment, he was completely out of chakra. Which meant strictly taijutsu. Not his preference. He chanced a glance around the side of the table. Oh good. Only one left conscious. A big burly one. Kakuzu smacked his forehead in frustration. Today was just not his day. Leaving a room full of semi-conscious enemies was _not_ his style. He liked them either dead or alive. Not in between. Plus Hidan had actually been correct about something. He stole another glance around the table. That man was probably a taijutsu master. Based on the luck he'd been having today the "probably" was most likely null: That man was _definitely_ a taijutsu master. And Hidan had been _righ_t! Maybe today wasn't just a bad day; maybe it was the end of the world. He looked around again. The Cloud-nin was nowhere to be seen. Kakuzu knew, before the table splintered in half, where the man had gone. He rolled and then, having no better ideas, began to sprint around the circular tent, pursued by crashing china, wood, and anything else in his wake. _Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit._ As he completed a circuit he rounded a still intact table, attempting to keep the man on the other side. As they played back and forth a gleam in his peripheral vision caught his attention. It was Hidan's confiscated scythe and next to it... Kakuzu faked to the left and then dived to his weapons pouch. In the split second it took for the man to figure out his error and lunge after Kakuzu, he was able to extract all his smoke bombs and detonate them. Kakuzu blindly crawled, over bodies and broken cutlery, to where he remembered the treasure chest holding his coveted money to be. His hand found a box. A chest. He lugged it towards him, struggling to his feet with his precious burden. He was suddenly bowled over by a great gust of chakra-enhanced wind that banished the fog his bombs had created. The Cloud-nin stood, hands still holding a seal. With a cry he rushed the defenseless missing-nin, his sword in one hand, Hidan's scythe in the other. 

"YOU PUT THAT ------- SCYTHE DOWN RIGHT NOW YOU -------SON OF A -----!"A tattered, bleeding, and amusingly deranged looking Hidan catapulted through the tent wall and tackled the completely unprepared man to the ground, wrestling his scythe away while growling. "JASHIN REJECT YOUR -------SOUL! YOU INSOLENT ----!" Hidan swung wildly, with no aim or care for technique, eyes squeezed shut in rage. "RAAAAHH!!!" He flailed madly, sweeping the scythe in all directions, by chance knocking the man unconscious. "Hu! Hu!" He panted. Then turned slowly to his partner. "_Kakuzu_."

"Hidan?"

"_Kakuzu_."

"How did you escape, Hidan?" Hidan advanced, raising the scythe threateningly.

"I ------- wiggled." He let the scythe fall next to Kakuzu and then plopped to the ground beside him. "And _then_ I got chased by ------- wild beasts."

"So sorry." Kakuzu fiddled with the lock. It obliged. The tiny gold pieces glowed in Kakuzu's eyes. Hidan looked up at his partner exasperatedly.

"Meh. You're not even listening." Kakuzu sat up straight. Hidan had been right _two_ times. It really was the end of the world.

"At least I have treasure!" Hidan sat up on his elbows, confused, but then plopped back down, smirking to himself. He couldn't be mad at a happy Kakuzu. They appeared so rarely. "And it's all thanks to _you,_ Hidan! I owe you!" Then, as an afterthought, "a _favor_. I owe you a _favor_…"

"What kind of favor?"

"Anything!"

"Anything?" Hidan's smile spread. Kakuzu looked up again and then stood, kicking Hidan in the side.

"I am _not_ letting you sleep with me, Hidan. Let's go."

"Ack! ---- you!" He stood, rubbing his side. "Kiss my-"

* * *

"Ready," Deidara, wearing a woman's dress they'd found in the barracks as a disguise, fluttered his eyelashes, "Sasori no danna?" Sasori groaned. 

"Cut it out, Dei. We have to be serious."

"I'm just getting in," he brushed his shoulder purposefully against his partner's as he passed, "character, Danna!"

"Stop calling me that! Remember-"

"Yeah, yeah! I'll keep it in mind…hmph!" He covered his mouth in shock. Sasori had to bite his tongue to stop from laughing at the very prissy noise Deidara's usual "un" had come out as in the higher octave he was talking in. "It's not funny, hmph!"

" Right! Sorry, sorry. Serious. Right."

"And hold your head up more if you're going to be a soldier, hmph!" Sasori glared, snapping,

"Some soldiers slouch, Dei!" but straightened when he thought Deidara wasn't looking. They had reached the courtyard. Their way out of the Grass Village military camp was in view. Sasori took a deep breath and began to cross the expansive yard, Deidara right behind him, both striving to look natural as countless prospective captors passed them. A soldier waved to Sasori. He nodded curtly, pulling his helmet down a bit lower and hoping his hair wasn't showing. The gate seemed to get farther and farther away. A man bumped into Deidara, smirking, and winked. He giggled nervously and stepped viciously on the man's foot.

"So sorry!" He gushed, lifting skirts to catch up with Sasori and giving a little wave at the cursing man.

"Hey soldier!" Sasori halted, gulped.

"Yes, sir?"

"We had a break out just now so we have to tighten security for the moment. Can we see your I.D.?"

"Uh, yes, sir! Right here." Deidara crossed his fingers (in a rather unladylike fashion) behind his back, hoping, praying, their fake I.D. fooled them.

"Hmm...you're not on our roster."

"I'm from camp 612 to the East. I had a delivery to make."

"Oh! Very good, very good!" The man smiled and returned Sasori's I.D. Deidara released his held breath with a volume that was awkwardly loud in the lull in the conversation. Sasori glared venomously back at him causing him to flush and laugh in a way that suggested fear rather than amusement. The guard, attempting to salvage the conversation, asked, "Now who's this lovely lady?" They blinked. Sasori opened his mouth but Deidara beat him to it.

"I'm his wife of course!" Deidara produced a fan from the front of his dress. "Hm!" He giggled and grinned, fanning himself. "It's our anniversary so I came to visit him today!"

"Oh how nice! Well-" Another soldier ran up and whispered a message to the gate guard. "I see, thank you." He turned back to the pair, looking slightly embarrassed. "I'm really sorry to ask, but do you have any proof that you're married? The escapees were an unmarried man and woman couple, according to reports, so if you can't prove it we'll be forced to keep you for interrogation… Sorry!" Sasori and Deidara looked at each other for an answer, horrified at the prospect of being caught so near their goal. "A ring… or anything?" Their eyes widened in shock as they both realized they still sported their Akatsuki rings. Sasori quickly shoved his hand into his pocket and slipped his ring off his thumb. Deidara stuffed his hand back down the front of his dress to replace his fan and caught the ring on the collar as he slid his hand back out forcing it off with some difficulty, which he covered up by saying loudly,

"N-no! We couldn't afford rings…" Another man standing nearby called, grinning roguishly,

"Have 'im kiss 'er! That'll prove they're married!" A bout of good-humored laughter broke out among the men. One elbowed Sasori,

"Yeah! Who wouldn't want to be kissing that lovely gal every chance they got?" Sasori smiled sheepishly and elbowed him back,

"Ha ha! Yeah!" The smile fell from his face and was replaced with an expression of pure terror as he turned to Deidara.

"Hee-hee! If you insist!" Deidara said with a tinkling laugh. He put his hands on his partner's shoulders and Sasori awkwardly moved his hands to his partner's hips. "Lower!" hissed Deidara, elbowing Sasori's arms down and recovering with another hysterical giggle as Sasori's face began to match his concealed hair's color as he realized he was touching his partner's... Deidara beamed and whispered through gritted teeth as he thrust his body against Sasori's "Kiss-me!"

* * *

Author's note: I hope you all enjoy the end! Because Emerald Elf-Slytherin707 was the only one to try to guess the title they win a prize of their choosing! Huzzah! 

If you didn't get it: the titles all combine to make a sentence that is the title of the entire fic, which is why I added each chapter title to the fic's title each time...got it? If you have any more questions be sure to ask!!!

Be sure to tell me your overall favorite couple's drabbles or favorite chapter! Thanks so much for following through my little story! It's been quite an adventure:D A thousand thank yous! Smile!- Momosportif


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